


But Memories Leave Traces

by Ray_Writes



Series: Tumblr Prompts [20]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Discussion of Death/Suicide, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Episode AU: s04e13 Journey's End, Rose fans probably wanna skip this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 11:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13903176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ray_Writes/pseuds/Ray_Writes
Summary: Even after recovering from the metacrisis, Donna still has some rough nights, particularly when things she'd rather forget rise to the surface.





	But Memories Leave Traces

**Author's Note:**

> Forgot to cross-post this one last weekend. This was a specific request from an anonymous on tumblr: "How about Donna telling the Doctor about Rose standing over her and watching her die with no concern for her pain or fear? Preferably after some kind of fixit took place so they are both whole and still themselves. Always wanted to read something like that!" So just to reiterate, if you felt there was nothing wrong with Rose's behavior and actions towards Donna at the end of Turn Left, you might want to just hit the back button. Otherwise, please enjoy!

He was about halfway through one of the novels that Donna kept on her nightstand when he heard the first whimper. The Doctor set aside both book and spectacles before seeing to her.

“Donna? Donna, can you hear me?”

She’d gone totally tense aside from the occasional shift of one of her limbs. He reached for her shoulder and gave it as gentle a squeeze as he could manage.

Donna gave a sudden shout of “No!” Her breath had quickened, turning panicky.

The Doctor raised his voice now, not harshly but he needed to get through to her. “Donna, you’re asleep. It’s just a dream. Open your eyes, and it’ll all be fine.”

It didn’t seem to be working. “You promised.  _Please_ ,” she begged some unknown source, and he felt his hearts constrict painfully at the utterly broken note in her voice. “I don’t want to die!”

“Donna!”

She bolted up to sitting with a scream, whether of terror or some phantom pain he had no idea, and looked about wildly as her chest heaved.

“Donna?” He tried, hoping she was truly awake and aware.

Her eyes locked onto his, and he realized it was rather fortunate he’d had the bedside lamp on since it allowed her to immediately take him in. “Oh, God!” Donna flew into his arms, much like she had on Shan Shen. Much like she did whenever these terrible nightmares plagued her.

They’d managed to siphon off most of the metacrisis energy, and while she was brilliant as ever it meant Donna no longer had all of those memories stuffed in her head that she didn’t need. Except for small flashes she seemed to only get in her dreams.

If there was some way of eliminating even that, he would do whatever was necessary. As it was, the best the Doctor knew how to do was hold her close and rub circles in her back as she sobbed into his shoulder. “It’s alright, Donna. Just a dream. You’re safe,” he murmured into her ear between the light kisses he pressed to the top of her head.

Gradually her tears subsided, and she always relaxed in his embrace eventually, but tonight it seemed to be taking longer. He couldn’t shake that whatever she’d seen in her sleep must have been terrible.

“Sorry,” Donna mumbled with a loud sniff. The Doctor fumbled one-handed for a tissue off the nightstand which he passed to her. She took it and blew her nose loudly before tossing it into the bin.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He ventured.

She had the first couple nights. But eventually she’d decided that they were just silly flashes of things that had never really happened to her. “Like jump scares,” she’d told him.

Now, however, Donna turned back to him, and there was something haunted in her gaze.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “It was weird, what I saw. I…I think it was a memory.”

“Of when?” He prompted when she seemed reluctant to go on.

“I think it was the parallel world. The one that got made around me,” she clarified.

His eyebrows both went up, but the Doctor reasoned, “Well, you said you were having trouble holding onto it before. Maybe your subconscious mind remembered a few things you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I guess. They just…I don’t want to believe that’s what happened.”

It was very hard to hide a troubled frown, but he knew he needed to be the calm and supportive one for once. Donna was counting on him. So the Doctor reached for her and guided her to rest against his chest. He leaned them both back against the headboard and stroked her hair.

“Might be best to just say what you remember. It could help you feel better.”

“I don’t think you’ll feel better.”

He glanced down. “Why?”

“Cos it’s about Rose. That’s how I know it was the parallel world, cos she was there. I only ever remembered this bit in pieces, but I- I–” Her voice faltered, which was so unlike her that the Doctor couldn’t help a growing alarm.

“Donna, just tell me,” he urged.

“I think she set me up to kill myself,” Donna said, voice hoarse.

The Doctor’s mouth fell open, but no sound was made. He couldn’t even manage a  _what_.

“I know, it’s so horrible,” she continued in a rush, eyes squeezed shut and head ducked as if afraid of looking at him. “I have to have it wrong, but all I know is they were sending me back to stop myself turning, and she said I was going to die. Then I got to the past, and I wasn’t where they said I’d be, so the only thing I could do to make sure I made the right choice was to jump in front of this truck–”

“What?” He gasped. Donna had  _never_  mentioned this part of escaping the parallel world before.

“It didn’t hurt at first. I think I was in shock.” There were tears beginning to leak out even through her closed eyelids. “And then Rose was there. She- she didn’t even look  _surprised_. Just walked up and told me the message for you. I thought I was dying, and everything hurt, and she just  _stared_  at me. Like it was nothing!” Her voice was close to breaking and she was trembling in his hold. “I was so scared!”

It was that alone that got him acting to comfort her again. The rest of him was just stunned. How could this have happened.? How could Rose have let it?

No, not just let it. Caused it. There was no accounting for how badly this nightmare had affected Donna other than that it truly was a memory.

“Donna, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she immediately said, a shakiness to her breath that meant she was trying desperately to make herself stop crying. “I didn’t even die, really.”

He wondered if that’s what Rose had thought to herself. If she’d looked at the bigger picture of breaking the parallel world and getting her warning of the darkness to him and decided Donna was a necessary sacrifice. It made his blood run cold.

Had she thought he wouldn’t find out? Had she thought he wouldn’t care if he did?

“I’m just being stupid,” Donna was saying, and she moved to leave his embrace.

The Doctor wrapped her up even more securely. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about Rose. Donna was distraught, confused, and hurting, and he needed to make that better.

“You are not,” he told her. “Donna, it doesn’t matter if it was a parallel world. It wasn’t a parallel you.  _You_  lived it. And you never should have had to.” A lesser person might have even been driven mad, he chose not to say.

“I just don’t understand. She was nice other than that.” Donna finally looked up at him now, eyes searching for the some kind of answer. “Why would she…?”

The Doctor sighed. “I don’t know, Donna. She wouldn’t have before.” He wanted to believe that anyway. “I suppose we can’t ever know without asking her.”

Which was impossible, and perhaps that was for the best. If he’d had even the slightest lingering doubt about leaving Rose back in the parallel world forever, it was gone now.

“I’m sorry,” Donna said, and he blinked down at her in shock. “I didn’t mean to ruin things between you and her. And now I probably sound like some jealous cow making up nasty rumors.”

“You’re not making up anything, Donna. Rose did those things, and if that has changed my perception of her she only has herself to blame. And there was nothing to ruin between her and me.” He lifted a hand to cup her cheek. “There’s only between  _you_  and me. I love you, Donna. I chose you.”

For the first time since tonight’s bad dream – or awful recollection, rather – a tired smile graced her lips. “I love you.”

It was clear she was still badly shaken. “Can you sleep?” He asked. Donna shook her head. “What can I do to take your mind off it?”

Donna merely settled into him more snugly. “Just this, Spaceman. Just be here.”

He drew her over so she was curled up in his lap, and dipped his head to drop a brief kiss on her lips. “I am because of you.”

He hadn’t even realized just how much Donna had been through to make that happen. And he’d spend the rest of their days together making her feel as safe and loved as she possibly could be. And anyone who threatened that, friend or foe, had better run.


End file.
